Put Hunter Biden's Picture on a $500 Bill!

After all, he's a hero and a role model now!

Should Joe Biden be “re-elected,” I think we can look forward to seeing Hunter Biden’s picture on a $500 bill.

Hunter Biden presents a great opportunity to bring back the $500 bill. American $500 bills, bearing the image of President McKinley, are rarely seen by most Americans, as they were discontinued in 1969. But should Bidenflation continue, $500 bills will make it far easier to pay for gasoline and groceries.

The cost of a full shopping cart, or of filling one’s tank, for example (at least until gasoline-powered cars and trucks are declared totally illegal), will be the better part of $500; think how convenient it will be to merely hand over a $500 bill at the gas station or at the cash register at Walmart!

Oh, I know what you’re thinking: “Most of those purchases nowadays aren’t made with cash.” Aha! That is indeed true. But there are plenty of transactions still made with cash, especially the type of transaction with which Hunter Biden is familiar, like dope deals, or sticking bills in strippers’ G-strings.

I have to admit that I really don’t know if strippers still wear G-strings; I got that from reading about titillating tassel-twirlers in the age of Gypsy Rose Lee. But I think it’s safe to presume that, when one is in Hunter Biden’s income bracket, tucking a mere $100 bill into a libido-inciting ecdysiast’s elastic-banded underpinnings is just so very quotidian.

I think it’s also a pretty safe assumption that Hunter has rarely, if ever, spent less than $500 on coke or hookers.

Note that I referred to Hunter Biden’s income bracket. I purposely avoided referring to his tax bracket, because Hunter has been somewhat less-than-conscientious about paying his taxes.

Bringing back the $500 bill will also greatly facilitate the logistics, not to mention the freight costs, of shipping pallets of cash to places like Iran and Gaza (to fund their various humanitarian endeavors). Such cash deliveries have been a pet project of the Obama and Biden regimes.

But there are even more reasons to put Hunter Biden’s picture on a $500 bill. Like those whose images already appear on American currency, Hunter Biden is a hero.

Just consider how Hunter’s parents, The Big Guy and Dr. Jill, wax ecstatic telling of the bravery it took for him to face his addictions, to publicly admit to his shortcomings, to say No to drugs and to make the sacrifices and commitments necessary for recovery! Just the other day, Joe Biden told us how very proud he is of Hunter, who is “one of the brightest and most decent” people he knows!

[Really! You have to see this! In a previous article, I linked to Joe declaring that Hunter is “the smartest man I know,” but this is the first time I’ve heard Joe praise Hunter not just for his intellectual capacity but for his decency! I had to quickly check my online dictionary to see if the definition of “decency” had changed; I suppose, if the definitions of “man” and “woman” can be changed, the definition of “decency” can hardly be regarded as being set in stone!]

But Hey, who could ask for a better hero and role model than Hunter? What an inspiration he is to all the other profligate wastrels out there, whose lives are a shameless, cocaine- and hooker-fueled bacchanal of moral vacuity!

And he’s done the entire Biden clan so very proud by the way, in the midst of his debauched lifestyle, he still managed to have the work ethic to earn a truly impressive living, and also managed to find in his heart the compassion to give solace and comfort to a grief-stricken widow!

So I’m sure that the re-introduction of the $500 bill, this time with Hunter Biden’s likeness, will be accompanied by a campaign to encourage more Americans to Be Like Hunter! That could even be the Democrat Party’s version of Make America Great Again: Be Like Hunter! Summon the courage to face, head-on, the legal consequences of your errors in judgement, and reveal the utterly decent, respectable family man that you truly are!

I often praise my dog for being such a good dog, and I tell him how very proud I am of him. This morning, with this article on my mind, I told him, “I’m just as proud of you as Joe Biden is of his son Hunter!” My dog tilted his head and looked at me quizzically for just a moment, but then he understood, and we both had a good laugh!

ST